The Real Little Red Riding Hood
by Sinful Damnation
Summary: Havoc and Breda witness things so horrifying they're scarred for life. Here is what really happened with Little Red Riding Hood. Roy Ed style. Enjoy


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Just a little something that popped into my head one day. It's quite OOC but oh well :)

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A young boy of sixteen walked down a practically deserted street of Central. He was on his way to visit Aunty Pinako.

It was a good thing that Winry had convinced her grandmother to move into the city where she was closer to everybody. Winry had moved to Rush Valley to study Automail, leaving Pinako's care in the 'capable' hands of the Elric brothers. Truthfully, Pinako hadn't known what she was getting into when she moved. Central was new and big, with all sorts of weirdo's running about. Saying that, it wasn't any surprise that she didn't leave the house much.

The weather wasn't exactly the best, and to stave off any incoming rain the boy had pulled his red hood over his head. In his hand he carried a worn basket, housing lots of goodies to make old Pinako feel better.

Looking up at the sky, he saw that it was turning black quite fast. Cradling the basket more securely in his arms, he hurried onwards.

In his hurry, he failed to notice three men staring after him.

Said three men were on their lunch break, walking through town. Anyone could see they were military, with their heads held high and stiff uniforms. They walked side by side, a very handsome man in the middle. Tall and lean, his gorgeous black hair matched his equally dark eyes. A smug smirk adorned his stunning face. Yes, Roy Mustang was attractive, and he knew it. He winked to all the woman who stared at him in fascination, making them blush and look away shyly.

The man to his left, Havoc, was slightly taller than him with messy blonde hair, a lit cigarette between his lips. He lazily looked around and spotted something that made him double take.

"Hey, isn't that Ed?" he asked stunned, pointing to a red figure down the street.

The third man, Breda, stopped, and followed in the direction that the blonde was pointing. He scratched his red hair idly, laziness showing in his every move. The red figure did look familiar, and if he looked closer, he could see a hint of blonde pair peeking from the hood.

"Yeah, I think it is. What's he doing out here? Isn't he supposed to be visiting that mechanic of his?"

Roy who had been too busy addressing his fans to see anything, turned sharply at the mention of Ed. Roy looked along their line of sight, his obsidian eyes catching on a red-hooded figure. He mentally smirked. He'd found his prey. Outwardly casting an air of indifference, he turned to his subordinates.

He cleared his throat. "As a superior officer, it is my duty to see why Fullmetal is here. I will graciously carry out this mission, knowing that I am helping out my fellow man."

Havoc opened his mouth to speak, but Roy held up a hand to stop hm.

"No please, don't cry. I will try my best to return unscathed," Roy cried dramatically. "But I cannot promise anything." He added perversely, waggling his eyebrows.

Havoc sighed. "Chief, just because everyone knows about you and the boss, doesn't mean we want to hear about it."

Breda nodded his head agreeably. He supported Mustang of course, but what he stuck up his ass was his own business. He didn't need to know the details.

Mustang glared at Havoc out of the corner of his eye. Havoc, sensing danger, quickly back-pedaled and put his hands up in surrender.

"Don't get me wrong, chief. I'm all for you doing Ed. With you out of the picture, I'll finally have a change to get a girl."

"Havoc, even with me gone you still won't get a woman. You'd have better luck turning gay," Mustang said harshly, still peeved about the earlier comment.

Havoc's jaw dropped and a depressing dark aura seemed to hang around him.

"Whoa Mustang, that was pretty harsh," Breda noted. He looked to Havoc. "Hey man, you okay?"

Said man had whipped out a notebook from somewhere, and was furiously scribbling in it, crocodile tears running down his face.

'They don't understand,' he wrote. 'I'm loveable. People love me. Besides, nothing is going up my butt. Well, there was that one time- BUT NO! That will never happen again.'

". . . .Is that a diary?" Breda whispered to Roy from behind his hand. Roy shrugged.

"IT'S NOT A DIARY! IT'S A JOURNAL!" Havoc argued. "I'll have you know journals are very manly." A hearty sniff finished the statement.

"Yeah, about as manly as Himalayan sugar cookies," Breda snorted. Roy and Havoc both looked at him, with looks that said what the fuck?!

Breda sweat dropped. "I saw them on an ad once," he assured them, while quickly shifting his eyes the other way.

Mustang and Havoc discreetly side-stepped away from him, putting plenty of distance between them and the crazy person.

"What?" Breda asked warily.

"Nothing!" they answered swiftly. Roy made a mental note to get Breda's file checked out. He couldn't afford to have crazy people on his team. Who knows what sort of things they did in their spare time. It wasn't worth thinking about.

Havoc just sighed. It seemed he was destined to be surrounded by loons his entire life. He might as well sign up for life insurance now. Better to start early. Who knew how much longer he had?

A quick flash of red caught his eye. Ed was still visible and from here he looked like. . . .

"I just thought of something," he announced.

"Congratulations," Mustang replied dryly.

Havoc glared at him. "Oh shut up. Seriously though, don't you think Ed looks like Red Riding Hood?" He didn't dare add the 'little' part to that sentence, lest a demented blonde spitfire attack him.

Breda glanced at Ed, blank face changing into one of astonishment.

"Whoa, you're right. Who would've thought?" he said, shocked. "Don't let Ed hear you call him a girl though, kos I'm not saving you if he does." This was said with a very grave face.

They both knew no one survived Ed's wrath. Well almost no one. There was one man who faced the demon everyday, and he seemed to be perfectly fine. Wait. . . .that would be because Ed would express his frustration on Roy by . . . . .yeah they wasn't going there. A lot of bad images surfaced that quite frankly, they didn't need.

Pleased with their discovery they turned to Roy.

"Hey Colone-" Havoc broke off abruptly, looking at the space where Roy had been. 'Had been' being the key words. Mustang wasn't there. They looked at each other, to the spot where Mustang should be, and back again.

"Where the hell did he go?" Breda asked, confused. Havoc shrugged.

A crash brought them out of their stupor. Looking towards the source of the noise, they figured out the answer to Breda's question.

There was Roy Mustang, The Flame Alchemist, Hero of Ishbal, hurrying down the street trying to put on what looked to be a wolf's costume. He was hopping on one leg trying to get his other leg into the costume, all the while not taking his lust-crazed eyes off Ed. He was yelling things, strange things, like "Let me eat your meat!", "Want to find out what else is large?", "Let me nibble your goodies".

Havoc and Breda sweat dropped. That was something you didn't see everyday. They really didn't want to find out the intended insinuation to those statements. There was only so much a man could bear.

Not hungry anymore, they turned to head back to headquarters, when something horrible and mentally scarring rushed past them.

"Did you just see. . . . .. ?" Havoc asked weakly, paralyzed in shock, cigarette falling from his unresisting lips.

"I didn't see anything," Breda replied shakily. Under his breath he murmured "Man I need to get my dosage checked."

"Yeah, me neither," Havoc said feebly.

Unnerved, they blandly made their way back to HQ.

They couldn't possibly have seen what they thought they saw. They'd be sent straight into the mental asylum for even suggesting such a thing. For one, Armstrong didn't run _that _femininely, arms dancing by his sides, giggling down the street. He certainly wasn't topless, wearing only tight leather pants that left nothing to the imagination, sparkles everywhere. And he most certainly wasn't running while swinging a ninety pound axe, yelling crazily "Have no fear Edward Elric. For I, Alex Louis Armstrong, will save you from that horrid beast. The technique of saving damsels in distress has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations."

No, they saw nothing, absolutely nothing. They didn't hear the screech of Ed's protests that were quickly cut off. And most definitely didn't hear the new sounds Ed made when his mouth was put to better use.

Some things didn't need answers. What had just happened did need an answer but they'd be damned if they were going to look for it. Red Riding Hood was on his own. Besides it didn't sound as though 'saving' was the thing he needed.

--

They found out later that day that old Pinako never did get her basket of goodies, but Ed certainly did. The contents of the basket were put to a better task. They found out that those two did things that would not be mentioned aloud, or ever again for that matter. It involved a wolf, a bone, and an axe man among . . . . other things. Havoc and Breda didn't stay in the room long enough to find out what they'd done with those things.

That was one 'fairy tale' they didn't want to know the ending to.

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_That was strange and unusual I know, but it needed to come out. If you haven't already, read my other story Light to the Darkness. I've heard from many people that it's an alright read._

_Sinful ;)_

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End file.
